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Your Memory, Your Life. By Marshall Tarley

Your Memory Your Life

Defer and Delay Memory Loss, Dementia and Alzheimer’s

As the Co-founder and, currently, President Emeritus of the USA Memory Championship, I was very happy to partake in the 20th Annual Championship at MIT’s McGovern Brain Institute on July 14th.

Amongst the speakers, my friend Robert Ajemian, a neuroscientist at the institute, presented on the incredible way in which the human brain creates, stores and retrieves memory. Our brains are far more complex than any computer that has ever been created and these neuroscientists expect that to continue indefinitely. Our human brains also have an infinite storage capacity for memory, in part, because of its complexity. Several of the neuroscientists presented on maintaining a healthy brain and deferring and delaying memory loss and the scourges of Dementia and Alzheimer’s.

There are many products on the over-the-counter market that make promises to improve memory. Their claims are fundamentally untrue. Some make claims to scientific proof. This so called proof may show such minute differences that it is of no consequence whatsoever. There are computer apps that make claims as well. These too have not shown any measurable difference in memory performance, though one may get better at scoring on the app’s game itself.

Here is the bottom line on keeping your memory healthy and delaying and deferring memory loss, Dementia and Alzheimer’s.

Alzheimer’s is the largest cause of Dementia. While there is no known method of preventing Dementia or Alzheimer’s, there is strong scientific evidence that these afflictions can be deferred – that is, you may be able to defer memory loss and the onset of Dementia and Alzheimer’s for years or even decades. Here are the four major ways to do it.

Health & Diet: It is clear that people with diets that are high in processed foods, especially processed carbohydrates and sugar, will have a significantly higher incidence of Type 2 Diabetes as well as high blood pressure and high cholesterol. Together, this is known as metabolic syndrome. These ailments are correlated with the onset of Dementia and Alzheimer’s. Eating a healthy diet, rich in nutrients and low in sugar and processed carbohydrates is critical to brain health. The MIND Diet and the Mediterranean Diet have largely been recommended for these purposes and there is evidence that they have a positive effect. Inflammation in the body is also known to be a contributor to the onset of these diseases. Therefore, an anti-inflammatory diet is recommended. In addition to lots of green leafy vegetables, spices such as turmeric, cinnamon, black pepper and ginger are anti-inflammatory and healthy for your brain and body. You also need a healthy microbiome. This is the myriad of diverse healthy bacteria in your gut. As we get older, the microbiome appears to get less robust. A high quality probiotic is highly recommended.

Physical Exercise: How does physical exercise build your brain? All the reasons are not completely understood as yet, but the research has shown that regular rigorous exercise is correlated with staving off memory loss and the onset of Dementia and Alzheimer’s. Here are some the positives that are known – physical exercise pumps more blood into the brain, bringing nutrients and oxygen; exercise may also increase the amount of dopamine, serotonin and endorphins in the brain, the feel good brain chemicals; exercise appears to improve your microbiome which is linked to brain and mood; and physical exercise is associated with the expression of genes – that is, you may have a gene for a disease, but the expression of that gene may be changed by our life habits such as regular exercise and healthy eating.

How do I start exercising and what should I do? Talk to your doctor before you start.
Discuss with him or her how rigorous a routine you can begin. It is absolutely best to train under the guidance and coaching of a trained professional. A good trainer will calibrate your strength, balance, coordination and other such abilities and continuously build your strength and capability in all of these areas while preventing injury. It is necessary to start slow and build, and exercise on a regular basis. Latest research points to the fact that you get the most out of an exercise program that takes you to your maximum and keeps pushing the envelope forward.

My choice here is high intensity weight resistance training…yes, even for older adults. It is simultaneously building your cardio-vascular system as well as building strength, balance and coordination. But, any regular exercise routine will help you. Just make sure to start slow and build over time.

Intellectual Engagement and Challenge: Your brain is often compared to a muscle. It is not a muscle, but like physical strength, you build your brain strength by exercising it to its maximum and pushing the envelope forward. What that means is that your brain needs to be challenged. If you regularly do crossword puzzles, great, but it is not enough. Again, start slow and enjoyably, and build to what is challenging for you. If you have no facility for math, learn math. Never learned a foreign language, learn one. A musical instrument, sure, absolutely. As with physical exercise, you want to start slow and build. You want it to be enjoyable, yet, at times, hard work. When your brain is challenged, your brain cells are stretching out, trying to make new synaptic connections, learning to perform and understand this new challenge. As your brain cells do this, their spiny dendrites are growing thicker, stronger and more robust as well as longer and are making a greater number of new connections. This is just one way that challenging intellectual activity keeps your brain and memory healthy. You have to work your body and your brain to stay healthy in both.

Social Interaction and Mood: Social interaction stimulates the brain like nothing else. Making connections with people we know and with new people make us feel good. A good mood helps our brain health. Social connections stimulate our thinking. One single comment from another person can cause a cascade of mental activity in your brain. For this reason, you must make sure your hearing is good. There have been studies that show a relationship between untreated hearing loss and the onset of Dementia and Alzheimer’s. It is strongly believed to be because the mental stimulation described above is missed when one cannot adequately hear. Finally, the way we feel about ourselves, the world around us and our lives, will have a strong impact on our longevity and our brain health. You want to keep your mood fit along with everything else. When there is hearing loss, people tend to shy away from social interactions. That’s a big loss for our mood and mental stimulation. Make plans for engaging with others, for events, family get-togethers. Plan on it. Take on tasks that include others. Push the envelope here too. When in doubt, go out. As I’ve discussed in many of my YouTube videos, the focus of our mind is strongly affected by the questions we ask ourselves. Consciously decide to ask yourself positive generative questions as you start your day and at evening time. It will focus your thinking on the good in your life and help you to feel good.

America's Birthday of Liberty by Marshall Tarley

America’s Birthday of Liberty

On this July 4th, a time of tumult, disruption and fear, I’m reminded of another Independence Day, America’s bicentennial in 1976. Patriotism was electric that day. It was a new experience for many of us. We had lived through the 60’s with all of its war, and assassinations and riots. That gave birth to the 70’s – a corrupt vice-presidency and resignation, and a presidency that ended with articles of impeachment and a president’s resignation; then, our final withdrawal from Saigon, with refugees dangling from the skids of the final helicopters lifting off from the American Embassy. In America Tune Paul Simon sang, “…my eyes could clearly see the Statue of Liberty sailing away to sea…”

We were recovering as a nation. We survived and went forward to thrive. It seems, thus far in the history of our nation, in our time of greatest need, the right leader emerges. The wild sixties and the dishonesty that started the seventies gave birth to honest men like Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter, who took us forward with grace.

On that bicentennial day, as I marched along the Brooklyn Promenade with my friends, miming the Yankee Doodle drummers and fife trio, we looked out at the hundreds of tall ships that had sailed into New York Harbor from everywhere in the world to honor our nation’s freedom and independence.  A U.S. battleship roared with a 21 gun salute for the vice president, who had just stepped off his helicopter.

As late afternoon turned to dusk that day, we found ourselves in Battery Park on the southern tip of Manhattan, overlooking that Statue of Liberty. Frisbees flew through the air. Family picnics spread across blankets. People from all across New York City and all across the world had gathered – people of every ethnicity and color; people young and old; toddlers and babies in arms; people in wheelchairs and with walkers. At last, night was falling and the most incredible fireworks erupted over New York Harbor. Thirty-minutes of exploding colors and sparkling lights lit the darkness over the harbor and directly overhead. In the final crescendo, there were enormous bursts over the Statue of Liberty, which then disappeared in a crimson cloud. Suddenly, emerging out of that cloud came a helicopter flying towards us, a giant American Flag draped below it. Spontaneously, people already on their feet, broke into the Star Spangled Banner. People of every color from everywhere on the planet, some with babes in arms, tears rolling down their cheeks, singing the national anthem together. That is our America, then and now.

The Good & The Great

The Good & The Great

Legendary songwriter Bill Withers took the stage to be interviewed before an audience of thousands.
It was the ASCAP “I Create Music” EXPO 2010, three days of workshops, performances and hands-on mentoring and instruction from the who’s who of the music industry. As one of the organizers, I stood in the back, looking across the crowd at Mr. Withers. A question came to him from the floor.
“As an aspiring songwriter,” the woman said, “what do you suggest I do?”

Mr. Withers took a long pause and with what seemed like great consideration, he said, “Well, if you want to be a songwriter,” pause “I suggest you write songs.”

The crowd erupted in laughter. He continued. “You know,” he said, “every Sunday, all across the country, people crowd around their televisions to watch NFL Football, and everyone thinks they can
play quarterback.” Pause, more laughter, “And, nine of them can.”

Total silence

It was intriguing and uncomfortable, a piercing dilemma. Was he saying enjoy the craft, but you’re probably not going to be a “successful” songwriter; however one may interpret that success – being seen and heard? fame and fortune? Or, was he saying there are a few of you, sitting in this room today, who have the talent and ability to ‘make it,’ so go for it. Or, wisely, was he just allowing each of us to fill-in the blanks for ourselves.

The Good is the Enemy of the Great?

I was at a Passover Seder several years ago. My friend’s father, Michele, was there, an older man, steeped in Jewish mysticism. In a discussion at the dinner break, about our various worldly pursuits,
I said, “You know, there is this saying, ‘the good is the enemy of the great.’ The idea that we should never be comfortable with the good, but be willing to leave it or even destroy it, in pursuit of the great. But, I’ve come to believe that the opposite is true, that the great is the enemy of the good.”

Michele practically leaped out of his chair with a big “Yes” of affirmation. To him, there was haughtiness to the exhortation of the “great,” a haughtiness that makes us blind to what is good all around us. There was so much good right there in that room, in that moment of sharing ideas and tradition and breaking bread with family and friends. It is these kinds of things that somehow get taken for granted, unrecognized, unappreciated, un-enjoyed and, perhaps, destroyed in the pursuit of the “great.” But, where would we be without greatness?

Is this a riddle? Is there an answer?

In this digital polarized world, we seem to demand absolutes, a black or white, a yes or no. Life is richer and more complex, we know that. Yet, some organizations, in pursuit of the great, embark on what they think of as creative destruction, and become the source of destructive destruction. An organization can create a steady stream of innovation by investing goodness in their employees, empowering their workforce and thereby enriching them and all stakeholders. In our personal lives, we may sometimes have to make choices between one step ahead in prestige or money and the effort to continuously grow to be deeper, richer, fuller people.

I’m no Sunday school teacher, but if we go back to the Passover story, Moses did not leave the life of comfort and luxury in the Pharaoh’s palace to aspire to greatness. He was already a prince, a position that could be perceived as greatness. He was moved to action because he was deeply pained to know and see the cruel enslavement of his people and was determined to change their destiny, to bring them freedom. By following his deepest beliefs in pursuing goodness for his people, he achieved greatness…and not for himself, but greatness for his people and for generations to come.

Maybe there is greatness all around us that we fail to see.

The single mom, who rises before dawn, prepares her kids for school, drops them off, works all day, shops, cleans, puts dinner on the table, keeps a roof over their heads and reads to them before they go to sleep. Can you not find greatness in that great goodness? How many generations will benefit from that?

Good To Great

In the bestselling business book from the 1990’s, Good To Great, one of the companies that ascended to become “Great” had enacted a policy that brought forth the scene described below.

Executives did not receive better benefits than frontline workers. In fact, executives had fewer perks. For example, all workers (but not executives) were eligible to receive $2,000 per year for each child for up to four years of post-high school education. In one incident, a man came to an executive of the company, Marvin Pohlman, and said, “I have nine kids. Are you telling me that you’ll pay for four years of school — college, trade school, whatever — for every single one of my kids?” Pohlman acknowledged that, yes, that’s exactly what would happen. ‘The man just sat there and cried,’ said Pohlman. “I’ll never forget it. It just captures in one moment so much of what we were trying to do.

That is greatness achieved through the pursuit of goodness.

A Revolutionary Point of View – “Your’s”

A new Wendy’s opened in my neighborhood…actually, not that new; it’s been there more than a year.
I haven’t set foot in a place like that in a long long time, but I was deliberately meaning to go into this one. Today I did. I heard they had a fireplace and a balcony level, and I wanted to see the view.

The Most Fatal Illusion is the Settled Point of View” – Brooks Atkinson
The patterns we’re accustomed to are comfortable for us and get grooved into our brains. Just looking at the same old scenes from a different vantage point can change everything. Why? Because, for most of us, the thoughts and feelings we associate to the scenes in our lives are deeply embedded in our brains and in our nervous system.  That may be fine, but what if we’d like to change them, what if we’d like to just realize them, recognize them, know that they’re here and then make a decision how we’d like to think and feel about it.

I never realized the Kabab King sign was so red. I never knew it was the Archer hardware store. Or, how gritty the street scene is along the subway el, especially in the rain. I had a cup of coffee, black. Tastes change and it’s long since fast food appealed to me.

There is No Terror in the Bang, Only in the Anticipation of It.” – Alfred Hitchcock
The importance of this exercise, however, should not be missed in my whimsical musings (though whimsy and musing have their own precious value). Let me share a story that taught me a valuable lesson very early in life.


I was in parochial school. No, not Catholic School, but what is called a yeshiva, a Hebrew religious school. It was early in the school year, fourth grade, and I was terrified. I had a teacher who could aptly be described as a raging maniac. When she was calm, she was actually a good teacher. But, if a student made an error or misbehaved in even the slightest way, she flew into a rage of screaming and smacking and shaking the student, her stringy red hair flying back and forth, her wrinkly face scrunched, her glasses shaking half off her face. I remember two kids who were so nervous; they threw up every day in the schoolyard before class started. Most of us just sat there in fear. But, one day, as Mrs. Kopelman flew into a rage of screaming and ranting, I happen to look to my right, and way over on the other side of the room, there was a kid laughing, or I should say, doing everything in his power to keep from bursting out laughing. I was completely confused.

Until you are willing to be confused about what you already know, what you know will never grow bigger, better, or more useful. Enlightenment is always preceded by confusion.” – Milton Erickson

When we got outside for recess, I couldn’t wait to go over to him and ask, “What’s so funny!?!”
He looked at me with a big smile and said, ”Are you kidding? Look at her! She’s a riot.”
I never looked at her the same again. When we got back into class and she went into another rage,
I looked at that kid across the room, and I too had everything I could do to contain myself, to not burst out laughing. And, so it was for the rest of the school year. Of course, every once in a while, when I was the focus of her rage, it was not so funny. But, all the rest of the time, my point of view had changed, as had my reaction – my thoughts, my feelings. I was no longer terrified. “Are you kidding!?! She’s a riot.”

Play is the only way the highest intelligence of humankind can unfold.” –Joseph Chilton Pearce
Of course, no child should ever be put in that position. In our everday lives, however, there are endless ways to play with this dynamic and discover new points of view…and, I do mean discover, because, when we uncover the crazy way we have learned to look at certain things, you just may find something that needlessly causes you pain, is suddenly innocuous, even funny. All you have to do is imagine you are looking at the same situation from another part of the room or through someone else’s eyes. Let me give you an example.

I was talking to someone at a party. To my surprise, he started complaining about his wife. Some of her little idiosyncrasies drove him to distress. He was quite disturbed – the way she would fold some of the laundry but not all of it; kitchen issues; really small things and a litany of them. He talked about how they would get into nasty arguments about it. “Why does she have to do these things?” he protested.
I calmed him down and made a little suggestion. “Why don’t you close your eyes, just for a moment.
Now, in your mind’s eye, place yourself in the kitchen, right when one of these exchanges is about to start. Okay, lift yourself out of your body and place yourself into your wife’s viewpoint and watch the exchange through her eyes.”

He opened his eyes rather quickly. “What a jerk I am,” he said. (He didn’t really say jerk. He used stronger language.) He was embarrassed. He had such conviction before about the inanity of his wife. Suddenly, he realized how ridiculous it all was.

Try it, playfully. Take any situation, and place yourself at another viewpoint – across the room or actually seeing it through someone else’s eyes. It’s interesting. It’s fun. Sometimes, it’s hilariously funny.
And, it just may offer you some piercing new insights.





Hanging By A Thread By Marshall Tarley

Hanging by a Thread

5 Ways to Nurture Trust and Protect It

Trust is the connective tissue in every personal and in every business relationship. It is tenuous. To thrive it must be cherished and nurtured. To survive, it must be meticulously minded, like a dutiful parent minding their prized child. A single misconstrued statement or action can send it reeling, with immeasurable and often unknown costs.

A Simple Scenario of Fragile Trust
I was warming up leftovers in the oven. Not known for my cooking prowess, I asked my significant other, “What temperature should I set this on?”

“Two-fifty,” she said.
“Two-fifty?!?” I asked.

I’m very impatient when I’m hungry and would have set it at twice that temperature.
“Yes, two-fifty.” She said emphatically.
“Okay.”

But, I set it at 450. I was in the kitchen. She was in the living room. I just figured it would get warm faster and she wouldn’t be the wiser. Ten minutes later, I was in another room, when she went into the kitchen to check on our leftovers. “You lied to me!”

Now, I have to tell you that she and I are rock solid, completely open and trusting of each other. It was a “white lie,” a tiny misdirection. But, it had impact. She had experienced mistruths in a prior relationship and I can only imagine what came flooding forward. For weeks afterwards, there would be little questions about most anything I told her. I would reference the “white lie” about the oven and joke about, but, at the same time, reassure her. I have been scrupulous about such “white lies” ever since. There was no crisis here, but I looked after the aftermath and cleaned it up.

The CEO and the Loss of Trust
We poured into the boardroom for the end of year department-head meeting. There was a touch of excitement in the air, as we anticipated the announcement of our end of year bonuses. The CEO began reporting results and approximately fifteen minutes into his remarks, he announced there would be no department-head bonuses. He said the organization had missed one of its key revenue goals. There was a palpable deflation in the room. Ouch! That hurt. And, though there was disappointment, there seemed to be some logic to the CEO’s statement. But, a bit later in his comments, he announced that our overall revenue for the year was the best ever in the company’s history and we should all be very proud. Proud!?! Everyone was disillusioned. The CEO didn’t pick up on the reaction in the room.

Afterwards, everyone buzzed about the total incongruity – best year of revenue; no bonuses because of a missed revenue goal. However, there actually was a logic. A great deal of money came in from a longstanding lawsuit. Revenues from regular business did fall a short. And, if it was up to the CEO, he would have given bonuses anyway, but the board of directors voted it down. This absence of transparency caused a major breach of trust that continued for some time along with a big dose of cynicism. What made it worse – this CEO was not open to feedback, so even those closest to him weren’t able to let him know what a bombshell he landed, and he had no opportunity to address it with his management group.

The Human Brain is Naturally Triggered by Questions
The human brain is naturally wired to be triggered by questions – questions that we care about. When that kind of question arises, the brain goes into a persistent and often relentless search mode, trying to fill in the blank and answer the open question, creating scenario after scenario. This happens in your conscious thinking and even more so in your other-than-conscious thinking. This natural brain process even runs in your sleep. If trust is breached, or if there is even a perception that trust has been breached, it triggers this mechanism and it may generalize such that mistrust is present in every interaction and communication that involves the person who committed the breach. This is true in personal relationships, business, professional, work, everywhere.

Perhaps the worst example is the “cheating” spouse. Once discovered and the relationship supposedly reconciled, the calls and texts may continue without end – “Where are you? Who are you with? When will you be home?” Suddenly, the stay at home spouse is travelling with the reformed “cheater” on every business trip. If a breach is bad enough, it may take the rest of time to continue to do repairs.

5 Ways to Nurture Trust and Protect It

1. Don’t Lie
Yes, sometimes it is difficult to say what’s true, but you must be brave. Most of the time, it’s not that big a deal. And, as opposed to what Jack Nicholson said, we really can stand the truth. You can be truthful and kind at the same time. Just tell the truth. It will become a habit.

2. White Lies Can Break Ties
While a “white lie,” in theory, has no evil intent, you can see from my little leftovers in the oven story that it can reverberate with serious consequences. It is unnecessary, a convenience, a habit that breeds mistrust. Break that habit and form a new one – the truth.

3. Pay Attention – Shed Light on Misconceptions
She asked how to turn on the light over the stove. “There’s a button called surface light,” I said.
I watched her searching, confused. “I don’t see any circus light,” she told me.
When I stopped laughing, I enunciated the words surface light more clearly. No foul, no harm. It’s just a small illustration of how often we hear different words than the ones intended to be communicated. How often words, tone, facial expressions and more are misconstrued, and if not corrected, can lead to distrust and discord.
Pay Attention – Watch faces, expressions, body language, responses. If something seems off kilter, it probably is. Ask questions. The best time to make corrections, to amend any discord, is in the moment. If you notice a change in behavior towards you later on, take note of it, find the right time and place to diplomatically ask about it. If there was a miscommunication that caused mistrust and/or discord, you find out about it and repair it.

4. Cultivate Feedback
In your personal life and in the workplace, it is so important to develop and cultivate sources of feedback – people you can trust to tell you when something may be wrong – or when you may have done something wrong without even knowing. Anyone who offers you these gifts is to be greatly appreciated. If you fail to notice a shift or change in attitude of one person or several people towards you, because they believe you’ve violated their trust, your sources of feedback will key you in and you will have the opportunity to repair it. Our CEO (above) would have benefited greatly from this kind of feedback. Don’t kill the messenger, she won’t come back. And, you want that person who can tell you what’s really going on to come back often. Don’t kill them, embrace them and thank them.

5. Give the Gift of Trust
When you’re a manager and a leader, and you give one of your workers an important assignment with significant consequences, and you explain the seriousness of the assignment, and you let them clearly know that you are putting your trust in them, it is a major gift to this person. He or she will cherish this gift. When you invest real trust in someone – a parent to a child, a friend with a friend, a leader with a report or staff-member, you have validated them as a person in a deep and special way. It is a gift that will pay many good dividends.

Currency and Legacy

The currency of our lives is the legacy we leave thriving behind us.  It is not the what that we’ve done, it’s the who we have been in each and every moment; the lives we have touched and what we have imparted by our being.  Perhaps, it is not for us, ourselves, to mention these things.  They may flow so easily and seamlessly through us, we may be unaware.

I watched Sheila Nevins give her “last testament” on the PBS NewsHour the other evening, but she left me out!  Now, I wasn’t offended or anything, lol, quite the contrary. I would not expect to be in her last testament, at least not specifically.  Sheila, if I can be so familiar, is a towering figure at HBO and in the entertainment business as a whole.  President of HBO Documentary Films, producer of so very many documentaries and the most esteemed awards and distinctions.  Of course, she talked of none of these in her last testament.  Ms. Nevins shared the intimate experience of sitting down with her lawyer and finalizing her will, decisions on remains, organ donations and all, and then escaping into the ice cream parlor for a giant sundae, one of the joys of life.  The other exquisite joy, her son, a love she spoke of so eloquently.

So, why would she speak of me?  Well, perhaps, we are not the best people to give last testaments of ourselves, because Sheila left out some important things.  You see, I met Sheila in the late nineteen-seventies, when she was a rising executive, already quite achieved (though I knew none of that at the time), and I was a twenty-something waiter serving her breakfast many a morning at the Puffing Billy Restaurant on 86th Street and Madison Avenue in Manhattan. (Yes, I drove a taxi cab, waited tables and did a whole lot of other things in my youth, all glorious experiences.)

Sheila was quite a striking woman, and more than that, she carried an ilk, a certain regal quality, a good thing, but also creating a sort of, “keep your distance.”  And, I did, at first.  But, as weeks went by, and I shared a word with her here and there, and then conversation, I found a kind, warm and generous person, that special kind of generosity, a generosity of the soul.  On some level, I think she saw that I was a searching and struggling twenty-something, and she was encouraging, mentoring and supportive in the most subtle and meaningful of ways.

From time to time, Sheila and her husband Sidney (Koch) would venture into the restaurant for lunch or dinner.  Sidney was an investment banker and quite accomplished.  He was equally filled with kindness and generosity, no wonder they found each other and have been together so very long.  When the restaurant closed and I found myself working at an entry level job in banking on Wall Street, Sidney invited me for lunch at an exclusive and private nineteenth-century merchants club in the area.  Who extends such kindness and generosity?  These two people do.   Some years later, when my first child was born, much to my surprise, a gift from Sheila arrived at my front door.  We had barely kept in touch, yet there it was.

So, I think, just maybe, you’re getting the picture here.  I am quite certain that I am not the only one to have experienced this exceptional extension of goodness from Sheila, exceptional, yet came so naturally from the being of this elegant woman.  This was and is her way of being.  And, when our journey is moving towards its end point, and we are looking back over the years and the paths, and the accomplishments and the so-called missed opportunities, we, ourselves, may miss some of the biggest and most important impacts we have had, we have accomplished, in the way we extend our selves, our souls, to the souls of others; not for gain, not with forethought, simply out of the goodness of who we are. And this, as much and maybe more than anything is our legacy that we leave behind, thriving and living as an experiential example.

So, Sheila, I want to say that I hope you’re not going anywhere anytime soon. I’m guessing you gave this last testament because you know you only have a few more decades or so to go. ☺  But, I want it to be complete for you, and hopefully, I have helped to complete the picture.

Hawaii Five-No. This Is Not a Drill! Check & Balance or Bust.

Hawaii Five-No. This Is Not a Drill! Check & Balance or Bust.

A Good Leader Must also be a Good Manager

October 2000. I got into the office early that morning and already had a voicemail to get to an 8:30 meeting. I quickly found out that a distribution system that was running for about a year had maxed out the bank account that drew funds to make these payments. I was put in charge of a task force to find out what happened and get it fixed. It didn’t take long to determine that data from one system was being transferred to another system that was paying the money out. The problem: when the payment system took the records in, there was no confirmation to determine whether the output equaled the input in the number of records or amount of money…nor were there any other validations. While one might expect a check and balance that went to a more granular level, at the very least, there should have been a systematic check at the macro level. And, that was only the beginning. The distribution system was designed so badly, it was making duplicate payments – and sometimes to people who shouldn’t have been paid at all. I came to call it the Chernobyl System*, after the shoddy Soviet-era nuclear power plant that had no containment system. It blew up, contaminating millions of people with radioactivity and creating a forbidden zone with a radius of at least thirty miles that will remain uninhabitable for at least 180 years, and some scientists say 3,000 years.

Hawaii Incoming
Fast forward to Monday, January 13, 2018. Vern Miyagi, the man in charge of the Hawaii Emergency Management Agency (HI-EMA), standing side by side with the Governor of Hawaii, had the courage to say, “This was my fault.” The procedures in place allowed one single individual to “push the button” to issue a live alert that there was an incoming missile minutes away from impact to Hawaii. What!?!?!! Yes, you heard me right. No checks or balances or confirmations. One person can make this error, and it can go through to strike fear and panic in the hearts of 1.4 million Hawaiians and tens of thousands of tourists.

Hacked to Death
C’mon, stuff like that is one in a million. Really, let’s go back into the ancient history of
September 2017. Equifax, the giant credit agency, announces it has had a data breach of
143 million Americans – including their Social Security Numbers, driver’s license data, security questions and answers and more. Equifax CEO, Richard Smith, who was forced to resign, testified before the House of Representatives Energy and Commerce Committee and said, “The human error was that the individual who was responsible for communication in the organization to apply the patch, did not.” One person – no checks, no balances, only errors…one huge error.

These are examples of inexcusable malfeasance and incompetence, yet it seems to go on more often than we could imagine in the most important organizations. Most managers are competent, but when they are not and when processes are put in place that lacks the appropriate necessary checks and balances, there should be a leader at the top and leaders up and down the line who are asking the right questions.

Check, Check and Double-Check…Really?
So, let’s get a few things straight. Checks and balances cost money. You don’t need to check everything all the time. You need to have the appropriate checks and balances in place. So, how do you know when to check and how often? There is no black and white answer to that, but let’s set down some sound rational ground rules.

When the distribution system I described at the top, the so-dubbed Chernobyl distribution system, was reprogrammed to have the appropriate checks and balances programmed to work systematically, we went forward to use it for the first time. When we did, I put in place manual stops, where we downloaded data and checked it manually in Excel. Each step of the process was manually audited in this way. It was tedious, laborious and time-consuming, but that was the first time we were using the revamped system, and after all, we had already lost millions of dollars, most of which could not be recouped. Think of the financial and political exposure of repeating the mistakes that were already made. We conducted the same validations the second time we ran it, confirming each step of the process, and we were verifying that the system itself was performing the checks and balances correctly. Now, we could have a reasonable expectation that it would run right and pay accurately. We pulled back many of these laborious manual audits and, as we went forward, we did spot checks and a reasonability analysis at the end of a run.

What are the ground rules?
When a process, an operation or a system is in place, here are some criteria to follow:
Criticality, Newness, Reliability
How critical is this?

Criticality
What are the stakes? The more that’s at stake, the more checks and balances you need.
Legal – Are there legal considerations that could make you, your organization or others legally liable if something goes wrong?
Financial – Is there significant financial risk to the organization or are you dealing with monies that amount to a virtual rounding error?
Political – Will there be fireworks in the boardroom? Will a key client, a key board member or the public be negatively impacted in a significant way?
You can add to the list, but these are the main events, and each of these have a scale. You have to balance the scale between the risks and costs.

Newness
How new is your process/operation/system?
When something is new, it needs the checks and balances to ensure that it is running right. This may mean a number of checks along the way. Over time, as you have ensured that it is running correctly and accurately, you can pull back on some, even many of these checks, but you always need some verifications. AND, you must always keep criticality in mind.

Reliability
We’ve run this over and over again without a single problem.
Don’t get lulled to sleep by this. Things change. All of sudden, they’ve replaced the server, or someone new is on the job. If something has been humming along, that’s great, but you still need to beware of the unexpected and still need to have appropriate checks and balances in place. AND, you must always keep criticality in mind.

*Note: In the wisdom of the senior management of this organization, the software designer who built what I called the Chernobyl distribution system was later promoted and went on to build another system with equally disastrous results.

 

More Than The Winter Blues By Marshall Tarley

More Than The Winter Blues

There are more people than ever before either not working or working from home.
They are in potential danger.

I received a call the other day from a client, a hard-charging entrepreneur. He was agitated and sounded desperate. “I’m chained to my desk and my PC,” he said. “I haven’t been outside in three days.”

Later that same day, I got a call from another friend who was clearly in despair. Initially, the call was to catch up and invite my girlfriend and I to dinner Saturday evening. The catch up quickly turned to the emotionally tough winter she is having. She is retired, and several activities in her life – an art class, her tennis and more – seemed to vanish, at least for now. What’s more, her grandchild, for whom she babysat a couple of times each week, had gone with her daughter on vacation. She was falling into a vortex of despair.

This is not limited to retired people, though they are particularly vulnerable to it. Individual entrepreneurs, others who work from home and the unemployed and underemployed are also in the danger zone.

In this country today, and perhaps around the world, more people than ever before are not working or working from home. While the unemployment rate hovers at record lows, the employment participation rate is at its lowest point in nearly a half- century. Some economists and commentators say that this is due to baby boomers retiring. That’s a half-truth. The economic collapse of 2008 displaced a vast number of employable people, many of them baby boomers, people in their mid-forties and older at the time, who have never recovered. Many of these displaced workers had to deal with crushing financial needs on top of the social and emotional toll of unemployment and forced retirement. Combine that with those who truly retired, those who are under-employed and those who work from home, either as employees or as individual entrepreneurs, and you have an unprecedented population of people who are vulnerable to isolation, stress, depression, drug use and alcoholism.

What are some solutions?

Economics – This is not a political or economic blog, so I will leave it to economists, industry leaders and our bumbling politicians to resolve the economic issues.
Emotions – Yes, I believe I can be of help on the emotional front.  Or, I might say that if you and make a sustained effort, the four steps below will make a difference – if you use them. When we are already depressed, it is hard to pull ourselves out, but if you get up and get moving, defy gravity, the tools below will work for you. It’s not easy, but it is worth it to take up the challenge and win. If you have not yet reached the event horizon, where you have been sucked into that black hole, great, then this will be a bit easier.

4 Steps to Protect and Strengthen Our Emotional Selves.

Socialize – Yes, I know it’s hard, but you need to push yourself out there. Social contact is one of the most essential elements of brain health and emotional health. Consciously and deliberately plan social events – dinner with friends and relatives, movie dates, museum dates (even if you’ve never been to a museum, you may like it). Join social groups. That’s not you? That’s okay; you are making changes to make your life better. Join a Meet Up Group – I just Googled Meet-Ups in Bismark, North Dakota and there are tons of them of every subject and flavor. Join your church or synagogue groups. Join a bowling league. Painting, writing, who knows what untapped talents you have. Will it all work out just right? Of course not. You’ll learn and pick and choose, but even a bad social experience in one of these groups is way better than spending time alone. Plan, Plan, Plan – Yes, I know it’s hard, but plan a schedule, both a social schedule and an exercise schedule.

Exercise – Again, you’re going to tell me it’s not you? Again, you’re changing. The second most important element of brain health and emotional health (after socializing) is exercise. And, you thought it was only good for your body. Exercise pumps blood through your system and into your brain, it can cause the release of endorphins and dopamine into the brain – these are feel-good chemicals that we love. You can combine the experience and exercise with others. You should (yes, I’m using the should word), you should exercise every day and, if your doctor gives you the green light, do rigorous, challenging exercise twice per week.

Choose Your “Trance” – We do not need to be hypnotized to be in a trance. Trance is a deep state of focus. When we are in this state, everything begins to be colored by our state of mind. In a negative trance-state, we see our world – past, present and future, as bleak. We see the negative side of our experiences, of decisions we’ve made in life, of everything, including our future. Listen carefully, that is a Trance. You get to choose your trance in life, and you can choose a good trance. How? Cast your focus on what’s good and see your life through that focus. Whatever your situation, there are good parts to it. Even many “bad” experiences have elements of learning, of caring, of other good things. Focus there. Sit down and make a list of the good things in your life – they are there, I assure you. Review that list every morning and evening and add to it, because as you begin to see the world from the good things on that list, your brain will naturally see more good in your life. Plus, you will make all kinds of new and good discoveries by following steps one and two above – socializing and exercising.

Use Your Brain’s Natural Gestalt MechanismThe brain is hardwired to seek wholeness, completeness. If there is a blank, an open question that you feel any emotional connection to, even a small one, your brain will persistently seek to answer that question, often creating an endless number of scenarios. How can you use this mechanism to your advantage? Simple and not so simple. The simple part – ask yourself well-formed questions that set your mind on a path seeking answers that make you feel good. Here are a few examples:

I wonder how soon I can feel good?
What surprise will I have today that will make me feel good?
How much do people love me?
I wonder what it will look like to have a great day today?
How good will it feel to feel good?
Why am I so grateful for Sally’s friendship?

You get the idea. One thing though, you are not asking these questions with the intention of answering them with your conscious cognitive thinking. You are asking these questions of yourself with a sense of wonder and caring. Then, just leave them out there in your mind. Your brain will seek answers all on its own, even while you’re sleeping, and create scenarios and actions and good feelings.

So, what’s the not-so-simple part of this? The first time you do it, you may notice some small or large positive change, or you might not notice it at all. You are teaching your brain a new habit, and the more you do it, the more you will train your brain to act on your behalf. You will get better and better results as you go forward. So, the not-so-simple part is staying with it and making a practice of it.

You can ask questions before you start your day, in the middle of a bad time during your day, and certainly at the end of the day when you want to set your mind for a good night. Make up your own questions and use your five senses in creating these questions. We each represent the world in our own minds using one of our senses as a primary sense. Some of us are more oriented to visual, others to feeling, some to hearing and some to taste or smell. If you know the primary sense you relate to, use that one. If not, sprinkle all of them into your questions.

One Final and Important Note – You may find that you’re in a situation where you may need professional help – a social worker or counselor. If that’s the case, please go and see one. Even if you have no money, there are agencies and religious-affiliated groups that can provide this help. The advice above is no substitute for professional help, though it can supplement it.

"You Talkin' To Me" By Marshall Tarley

“Are You Talkin’ to Me?” Emotional Intelligence in 1970’s NYC

We are the product of our experiences
Though the experiences described here were challenging and at times threatening, they were so rich and instructive to an emerging and formative young man – me. Each of us have opportunities to learn and to assimilate that experiential knowledge into the practice that becomes who we are.

In 1976, I was driving a yellow taxi cab in New York City. There were nearly 2,000 murders in New York that year, many of them cabbies. New York was a rough and tumble town, lawless and nearly ungovernable. It was the year the movie Taxi Driver, with Robert De Niro, was released – a violent, gritty window into the underbelly of the New York I was navigating each day. I did drive days. Most of the cabbie murders were at night.

I started before dawn. If I hoped to get a cab for the day, I’d have to show up at the Corona Queens garage by 4:30 am. We were in the middle of a nasty recession. I’d be there with twenty to thirty others for shape-up. If you’re not familiar with that term, it’s where a group of people (at that time, mostly men) show up in the hope of getting work for the day. Once, I saw a man break down and cry, because he didn’t get picked, didn’t get work that day. I was chosen. I thought about giving up my spot to him, but honestly, I was scared that they wouldn’t give it to him anyway and I’d be banished from ever getting a cab again. That was the scene.

I, like a lot of people I knew in those days, were already attuned to maneuvering through rough situations. Driving a yellow cab was no party. I saw a lot of people get a cab for a day and discover (and excuse the pun) that they just couldn’t hack it. Not only did you have to navigate those mean streets, but you needed to establish enough of a rapport with the dispatcher to get a car, and with the mechanics to get one that wasn’t a smoking, clanking bomb that the doormen at the hotels and luxury buildings, and even those on the street desperate for a taxi, would wave by.

To this day, I can remember the dispatcher. He sat behind a glass, like the ticket-seller at a movie theater. He always sat on a pillow, leaning to one side. I felt that he must have actually worn his butt out driving for so many years…until he couldn’t stand it anymore and got the job behind the glass. He always looked like he was in pain, yet you dare not offer any comfort, as that would call attention to his situation. He had a miserable disposition, and though I was always looking for that tiny crevice to slip through a scrap of humor, kindness or comradery, I could never find it. All I could do was speak the language of Brooklyn and Queens, my native dialect, and be respectful. That alone seemed to payoff…at least to get a cab for the day. And, I managed to book enough money on the meter to get a car again two days later and two days after that, and after a few weeks, I was booking enough money consistently to get a regular shift.

Booking enough money meant that you had developed the wiles to aggressively hit the streets, hunt the fares, find your way through the maze of time and space and danger. My first day was intimidating, even frightening. Where to go…what to do. I had established enough of a relationship with the cabbies in the garage to get their philosophies. Some liked going to the airports, waiting on line and getting a big fare. Others thought that was a big waste of time. They preferred to head directly into Manhattan. “That’s where the money is kid,” they said. If you were lucky, you’d get a fare along the way into Manhattan, but, “Don’t waste time lookin’” they said. “Just head straight to the city.” And, that’s what I did.

You lose some control – you have to go where your fares take you and you have no control over traffic. But, you begin to get the feel of the terrain and where the fares can be had and at what times, and, if you were lucky, no one took you out of the Manhattan, because that’s where the action was. Back and forth, uptown, downtown, east and west. And, just when the evening rush hour is beginning, you have to get the cab back to the garage for the night shift. When I closed my eyes to go to sleep that first night, all I could see was the red, yellow and green lights of the traffic signals.

As the weeks and months wore on, each challenge tested me. Small ones, like getting through to the guy who got chicken grease all over the steering wheel on the night shift, without a fight and with enough persuasion to get him to change that habit. There were the cars – they were ragtag. One hot June day,
I drove the entire shift with a heater that would not shut off. If you were lucky enough to get a parking spot at the cabbie stand to go to the bathroom at the Port Authority Bus Terminal, you moved quickly and with your wits about you at every moment. In those days, the Port Authority was a combination homeless shelter and hangout for criminal predators of all stripes. (And, yes, bus lines and scared commuters went in and out of there as well.)

And then, there was dealing with anyone in New York City who might step into your car.
The greatest challenges and greatest delights were the customers. There were the two middle-aged guys having a fist fight in the back of my cab. They told me, “It’s alright, we’re brothers.”
I told them that it wasn’t alright and if they didn’t stop they had to get out. They stopped…for a while, then it erupted all over again. I pulled over and threw them out of the cab…not physically, but I made them get out.

There was the not so sweet old lady in her fur coat, who was screaming at me because I was stuck in gridlock. She was yelling, the horns were honking in a symphony, and there was absolutely nothing
I could do. It was total gridlock. As I sat there in the absurdity of it all, I started laughing out loud. I never forgot that. It was great to just laugh, though it did get her to yell extra loud.

There was the woman who dropped her cigarette that smoldered and filled the car with smoke, making me think the taxi was on fire. One of the most frightening situations was the passenger who pulled a knife out and started waving it and ranting as I drove along the FDR Drive. There was no immediate exit in sight, nowhere to go. When I finally exited onto a service road, he darted out of the cab and ran. I didn’t chase him.

One morning, a commodities trader rushed into my cab on the upper east side. I got her down to her Wall Street office in twenty minutes in the middle of the morning rush hour – a miracle. But, she was late and enraged at me. She said it was my fault, that I had taken her out of her way. “Do you know how much it costs me to be seven minutes late,” she spewed at me. I had to talk her out of reporting me to the Taxi and Limousine Commission.

The stories go on and on. And there were some very kind and generous people as well. The stormy day I picked up Lynn Redgrave in the driving rain on the northwest corner of Columbus Circle. I had one of those rickety beat-up cars, but she got in with elegance. She was grateful and graceful and kind. I felt like I had a princess in my car, and she treated me like a prince.

And the wealthy young woman, who, though I got lost several times, was kind and patient and understanding. You remember that kind of simple kindness and grace…the rest of your life. I try to emulate it in times of stress.

Those were formative times, and if we remain open and searching and interested, our formative times never end. How they form us depends on the window we look through; our view of life and humanity filters the experience and gives it meaning. Sometimes, we reject a challenge outright, when grit and perseverance can see it through and open up great new horizons. The choices of anger and condemnation versus patience and understanding or even laughter; seeking rapport or looking down as different or lesser. And yes, if we stop and think, these can be choices. In our everyday lives, we can dare to change a way of looking at the world…just one filter tweaked one little bit can open new pathways of perception for the rest of our lives.

The Pit and the Pendulum

The Pit and the Pendulum – Lessons in Executive Leadership

Some executives believe that pitting managers or teams against each other will create vigorous competition, with the best leader(s) emerging on top. They’re wrong! The result will likely be the most divisive manager or team at the top, ready to sow seeds of distrust, suspicion, hostility and stress. Those ingredients kill-off creativity, innovation, collaboration and growth. In that Pit of conflict, the Pendulum may come to a complete halt. I had the experience of being called in to this kind of environment to conduct what can only be called “an intervention.”

The multi-year, enterprise-wide IT project that already cost many tens of millions of dollars, was way overdue and way over budget. The board of directors was more than a little concerned. It had reached a crescendo. The COO and CIO brought me in to work with the IT management teams. There were two teams and they were at war. I interviewed each manager individually and met with each team separately before daring to bring them together. The stress, anguish and frustration was palpable and poured forth in outbursts of rage and finger-pointing. The Delivery Team was responsible for the system design, software development, coding and delivery of the system. The Testing Team was responsible for every level of testing and for identifying bugs in the system. The Testing Team was dependent on the Delivery Team to understand every element of the system, in order to design the appropriate testing to identify flaws.

There was a powerful interdependency between the teams. That’s usually good.
But, the two management teams had two different sets of goals, and the goals of one team were in direct conflict with the goals of the other team. To add heat and fire to that situation, the teams’ incentive compensation was based on reaching their goals. The results – these management teams were in constant conflict and the project was in a quagmire. The Pendulum had stopped, but the clock and related budget dollars had been ticking on.

The first meeting with both teams had the feel and fireworks of marriage counselling.
Once they had the opportunity to air their differences, I pointed something out that they already knew – the status quo was unacceptable. The board was ready to step in and act. That’s why the COO and CIO sent me in and that’s why I had their full support. Now,
“What do you want to do about it?”

Unfortunately, their solutions were down in the weeds of the existing conflicts.
I asked them, “What is the overall goal for the company as a whole?”
It took a while, and they were able to articulate it and come to consensus on that goal.
Then came the tricky part. As I asked the next question, I felt a little like the guy on the high wire over Niagara Falls, because everything hinged on this.

“Now that we have identified the overall goal for the company, and since both teams have dependencies on each other that must be met in order for the system to be completed, would it make sense to have one set of goals that both teams are mutually judged on?”

There was silence, then grumbling. Finally, a couple of voices perked up. The logic was so compelling, so obvious, they slowly emerged to a consensus and embraced the idea. It was the crucial next step.

(I actually wanted them to be one team, but there was so much individual team identification and team pride – a good thing in most situations but not in this one. I left that as the next evolution.)

I took them a little by surprise at that point. I told them, “Stay right here. I’m going to try to get the COO and the CIO into the room right now to endorse this change.”

I scurried around the building fishing them both out of meetings, explaining the situation and prepping them for the need to approve this change right now. I brought them both into the room and asked one manager from each team to present the new joint goals the two teams had agreed to and the new direction they wanted to take. The CIO and COO approved it on the spot. The CIO immediately followed up with the Director of HR to change their incentive compensation to align both teams to the same goals and metrics.

There was one more small but important change we made. When testing showed up a bug, it was being called a “bug” or an “error.” The design and development managers felt highly insulted every time that happened and it destroyed trust and cooperation. We came up with a euphemism, “item to investigate.” It didn’t completely quell the issue, but it did take a lot of the hurt out of it and made it more objective. It turned out to be an important step.

I went on to meet with the management teams weekly for several months, which they came to refer to as their therapy sessions. The quagmire had been broken. They were clearly making strides forward. It wasn’t always happiness and joy, but sometimes it was, and the bite and battles had simmered down and mostly disappeared. At that point, my job was done. They went on to meet their new goals and their newly appointed deadlines. They delivered this huge system – a revolutionary change for the entire enterprise.

In retrospect, it all seems so obvious. But, it took a completely objective observer, one who could articulate the issues and, more importantly, gain the trust of the management teams and the senior executives, to allow them to embrace the change they needed to move forward.

©2017 - 2024 Marshall Tarley, LLC